I'm A Textpert (Rap Battle) Lyrics - Rhett & Link

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[Rhett & Link talking:]
Hey
Whatcha doing?
Driving, whatcha doing?
Driving and texting..
Hmmm. Are you sure you should be doing that?

[Link:]
Yes, because. I'm a textpert

An expert at texting
Rejecting the notion that you think I'll be wrecking
Due to the fact that I'm distracted?!
I multi-task best behind the wheel when I get textually active

YOU should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real
You'll look down, look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile
Leave it to a pro. Be incommunicado
Until you get to where you need to go, this conversation's O. Ver

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[Rhett & Link talking:]
No it isn't?
Yes it is
No it isn't!

[Rhett:]
Cause I'm a textpert! An expert at texting
Pressing, my keypad when my car's not resting
I can divide my attention up
I got so much attention, I've got an eleven-tion

With one eye on the road; one eye on my phone
I texted-in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone
Thank you
Now I'm-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift
It in to D and then chin-drive home

[Hook: Rhett & Link:]
I'm a textpert
A textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur
I'm a textpert
Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt

[Link:]
Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation
Cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing
On rare occasion, when I've got nothing to text about
I text myself reminders of what I'm doing now

[Rhett:]
I carry on, more concurrent conversations
Than one phone alone is prone to accept
So, I've
Tested and perfected my patented method:
The second handset hands-free toe text

[Link:]
I ride with my Swedish Masseuse
She gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu

[Rhett:]
My yogi shows me hand yoga poses, like:
Downward Facing Pinky and Thumb Lotus

[Link:]
I'll never stoop so low, as to text photos
Instead I text the correct combo of 1's and 0's

[Rhett:]
I'm an artiste! Using ASCII!
I just texted this toad to an art gallery

[Link:]
I text more, than the next bored pre-pubescent tween!
In fact I've text-induced my own second puberty!

[Rhett:]
How does that work exactly?

[Link:]
Everything that happened before is happening some more
That's all I'm comfortable sharing at this time...

[Rhett:]
I gave a lift to a drifter!
And texted his estranged sister
And now I'm hostin' em here for dinner!

[Link:]
Well did I mention I'm a text-itrician?
A next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician

[Rhett:]
Well, I'm the next Dr. Phil of SMS

[Link:]
I'm poppin' out babies with the power of text!

[Hook]

[Rhett and Link talking:]
By the way, where're you headed son?
Headed West on 421
421?
Uh-huh
West?!
Yes. You?
Me? I'm headed...
[CRASH]

"If you're texting, you're not driving."



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------ Performed by Rhett & Link

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------ 10/24/2014

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